I believe – with all my heart – that love is a choice. It’s a deliberate, conscious, endlessly repeated choice that must be made daily, hourly, and even (sometimes) minute-by-minute.
Love can be fun, peaceful, scary, joyous, painful, effortless, or tiresome hard work – at different times, within the same context. It is the most wondrous, soul-satisfying and worthwhile thing a human being can engage in. It’s a gift – and a command of God.
“If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you”. John 15:10-12 (New King James Version)
Love is NOT FATTENING! In fact it’s good for your heart and it prolongs life. Honestly – solid research confirms the benefits of love for our physical, and mental, health and longevity. It has nothing to do with sugar-laden heart shaped goodies that can wreak havoc on our good intentions.
Living in love, through hard times, can be a challenge – whether we are the ones coping with Depression or other personal disaster – or the ones who care for those who do.
Love is not always a sweet, and gooey, chocolate experience. Melted chocolate can be messy and, for contrast, God gave us sauerkraut too.
I’m familiar with paradoxes. I think the story of my life was written to include them. Yours probably was too. After decades of experience, I am still surprised by those “aha moments” of recognition – ‘aha, there you are, my old friend, Paradox – How interesting’.
How can it be that something so sublime and perfect as love – is often wrapped in so much of the opposite ‘stuff’?
Some so-called experts have proclaimed that love and hate are flip sides of the same coin. I disagree.
Without a doubt, love and hate are both strong feelings – and in that regard they are similar. The huge difference is that hate seeks to hurt, diminish, or destroy its target, but love will seek the ultimate good for the loved one – a perfect contradiction of the two!
Opposing emotions can’t be held in the same heart, at the same time – but we can love a person, and hate their behavior or circumstance at the same time. That’s a different story.
Scripture says that both “blessing and cursing” unfortunately comes out of our mouths at times. And it’s the ‘stuff’ (true feelings) of the heart that will spill out. Scripture also states that we can’t draw sweet water from a bitter well.
OK – in love we have sweet water, can it be contaminated? Yes – I’ve seen that, and I bet you have too.
Sweet words may be left unspoken. In the face of continued stress; fatigue; worry; complaints; illness; misunderstandings; being taken for granted; or feeling defeated when we try to make things better, and then fail – life can seem toxic. We aren’t always going to feel like expressing “sweetness” when we’re drenched in such emotional pollution.
The choice to love (in spite of your emotional circumstance) – can serve as a filter and a shield, protecting our hearts from lasting damage. Deliberately choosing to keep loving (with God’s help) can change our environment. Is it hard? Yes, but powerfully effective for both the giver and receiver.
Physical and mental pain can make a person irritable, frustrated, and at times inconsolable. In this state, a person might lash out, not deliberately intending to wound the ones they love – but doing so, because they were the ones within striking distance – loyally standing-by.
Like lightening rods – loved ones often seem to ‘draw’ fire.
Such wounds won’t necessarily destroy love – but they can force renewal of the CHOICE to love, again and again.
Sometimes Love shines as a sparkling and bubbling-over, fountain of joy. At other times there may only be a single glow (more like a burning ember), and endurance is required. But always, love can be a light – even in dark times.
There are tools we can use to hold on, to endure: deliberately remembering our ‘first’ shared love; frequent recitation of our loved one’s positive qualities (to ourselves if not to others); keeping the perspective to seek ‘Whatsoever things are lovely’.
There are always positives, and lovely things, to be found – if we watchfully seek them.
Our Lord is our first and greatest example of this kind of love. His grace, can be reflected in us. Each time we choose to love (no matter what) – our bond becomes stronger, richer, deeper, more rewarding, and more worthy of constant, conscious, choosing.
I Corinthians 13: 4-6 reminds us:
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”.
Illness can call for that kind of endurance. For me personally, watching my dear one battle his depression/anxiety disorder, along with his physical difficulties – and living through it with him, gave me a whole new appreciation for the challenge and the possibilities involved. He lived courageously through his daily struggle, with as much wit and grace as he could muster.
Those who persist through this kind of challenge deserve medals – and perhaps a very special purple heart for the visible and invisible wounds they carry. Those who love them are also deserving of honor. And the moments of peace and laughter found together – in the midst of it all – deserve joyous celebration.
I was blessed with a wonderful best friend, partner, playmate and lover for more than 45 years. He fought hard to keep his balance in the last several – as independence, comfort, and peace of mind became increasingly scarce. He was, and still is, my hero – and the source of more joy, love, and laughter than I could possibly describe.
Sometimes life is extremely hard – but I do believe that it is possible to continue to choose love, no matter what – and it’s always worth it.
It is imperative that we give love – and that we receive it. Have you ever experienced knowing something in your head – that doesn’t quite reach your heart? Here’s an assignment: Go to a private place, with a mirror. Look in the mirror, and recognize that you are looking at the face of God’s beloved. He chooses to love us. He won’t change His mind – no matter what. Let that sink in – heart deep.
Regardless of how you see yourself, or how anyone else in the world sees you – you are beautiful to the King of all creation. When He looks at you, He sees His heart’s desire. Say it out loud: I am loved. Know it in your mind. Feel it in your heart. God cannot lie, and He said we will never be outside of His love. He knows you intimately, loves you deeply, and takes delight in you – as you might delight in watching your beloved baby taking those first wobbly steps, or resting in your arms. Choose to believe – and to receive LOVE.
I cherish one of the last lines (verse # 8) in that Corinthian passage: “ Love never fails.”
Love can be fierce. It can be fun, and it can be forever. It’s our greatest cause for celebration. It’s the source of our greatest JOY and, sometimes, the cause of our deepest pain (another paradox).
Love is what makes the world go round – and makes it worth taking the spin. As they say in the movies … “Buckle up kids – it’s gonna’ be a bumpy ride”.
Here’s a salute to some great paradoxes in life:
Survival: What doesn’t kill you – can make you stronger
Ambition/Esteem: If you want to be the GREATEST – learn to be the servant.
Success: If you want to achieve something – FIRST, Believe it’s possible. To see Faith in Action – you have to first take action. If you’re taking a leap of faith, realize that the evidence is poured out as you go – IN MID-AIR. It’s not payable in advance.
Wealth: If you want to have plenty – you must be generous in giving.
Love: The more you give – the more you have (or receive).
Life is a grand adventure. Now if we could just wrap it in healthy, non-fattening chocolate, nuts, and marshmallows – we could find this rocky road even more delicious!
Far better than whipped cream or any other tasty delight – is knowing the delight we can find in our Lord.
“ Neither height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39
God chose us and, with His help, we too can choose love.
Blessings, Laughter and, most of all, Love to you and yours.
Marge
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