Emotions run high at this time of year. So we’ve been told, thousands of times. We know it, because we feel it – the good, the bad, and often confusing emotions.
Holidays roll around every year – but this year we seem especially anxious, on edge, and we may feel the threat of depression.
Have you noticed – our media seems to thrive on drama?
I saw a quote today that remarked… ‘Just because some people are hooked on drama – you don’t have to attend the performance’. In fact, too much of this kind of theater can be hazardous to our health.
So, what’s all the fuss?
Well, we have personal ‘stuff’ to consider – ‘Has the Doctor got my test results back yet? Is it serious? Did I make the right investment? What’s the Market doing? What about her job? What about their marriage?’… and so it goes.
As this year draws to an end, we seem to have a new array of national and global concerns to fret about – and we’re bombarded with bad news that repeatedly draws our focus and holds our attention.
National economic and security concerns.
We have been deluged with unprecedented ugliness in our news — including violence, natural disasters, and forecasts of environmental and economic gloom
Global terrorism has found its way to our own back yards. Political and police confrontations have sparked painful divisions and exploded in protest, social unrest, and retaliation. If we aren’t worried about our neighbor, we may lament the plight of millions of refugees’, and find ourselves wrestling between opposing desires to offer help – and the urge to close the door, to protect and defend our own way of life.
Questions:
It all sounds very grim and it is serious. But, is it really so much worse than it has ever been before – or is it just more widespread and exposed?
Is it hopeless – or can we do something to change what seems like a dangerous trajectory?
Answers:
We’re living in a fallen world. Troubles have flourished for as long as men have walked the earth (but they haven’t had the P.R. impact of our modern media);
AND … As long as we live – we have hope.
I love the Psalms because they chronicle human failings, personal and global fears, sources of courage, and inspiring hope that King David lived and wrote about – like this:
“Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord.” Psalm 31:24
So, what can we do to control or cope with our emotions, in the midst of all the chaos and unrest?
Define the problem:
One of the first steps is to define the problem. We need to identify and prioritize the concerns causing our anxiety and depression. We need understanding – and that’s harder to find if the problems that stir our emotions and fears are global. Personal concerns are at least, somewhat, within our sphere of control. Global troubles are much bigger than we are, and they are most likely beyond our reach. It may be difficult to get specific, gain clarity, and then decide what to do – but we can make a start …
How to begin:
Be mindful of, and monitor your emotions all day long – every day. When you notice moments of anxiety, sadness, or anger – write them down. Give complete descriptions. Include where you are; what you’re doing; what you’re talking or thinking about; and who you are with – or if you are alone. Patterns will start to take shape, and they can guide your response.
Assess the risk:
Once you’ve identified a specific worry – try to make a realistic estimate of the chance of the disaster you fear, actually happening. Give each a probability rating – on a scale of 0–100%. Do your research. As you calculate the odds, be sure you’re considering real evidence – not just subjective feelings, or media hype. You may be surprised learn that some fears are out of proportion to their actual risk. Don’t invest more concern than they merit.
Identify Actions you can take:
You may be unable to stop a threat – but you might be able to do something to reduce potential damage, if it does happen. Learn what you can about its effects, and (as much as possible), prepare in advance – to meet expected needs.
If the threat is contained within one area, or posed by one party, you might be able to relocate – or find allies to help with resistance, or recovery.
When you know what you can or cannot do – make a commitment to action. You may act to improve the specific situation – or you may act to improve your own mental balance in the face of situations that you cannot control.
Either way – your action is important. Even the smallest step can make a big difference by helping you feel more control, and by moving you towards your goals or values – no matter what else is going on.
(See the articles on ‘Commitment To Action’, # 52 – 53 for help with this step.)
Schedule time for tears or worry:
This may sound silly – but it works. Let me share a true story with you:
We’ll call her Jane Doe: Jane suffered a major head injury. She spent her days alternately screaming, crying, and hitting her head against any hard object within reach. Unable to walk or talk, Jane sat, tied into her wheelchair, apparently locked within a body, and mind, that didn’t work. She was referred for evaluation, and possible therapy.
A word-processer was set up – and at our first meeting, I asked her if she had ever used a computer. Screaming stopped. She stared at the screen. Then she reached for the keyboard and, with the one hand still under her control, the unintelligible Jane pecked out this message:
‘Dear Mother, I don’t know where I am. What’s happening? I’m so lonesome I think I will die.’
Thus began two years of cognitive rehabilitation and communication therapy. Head trauma can (for extended periods) make Swiss cheese out of memory – and the sliced cheese is not stationary, but slips in and out of alignment. Misaligned time was lost – and acknowledged with fresh shock, and mourning with every episode of returned lucidity. I don’t have words to describe the emotional impact.
Challenge:
Each of our sessions began with Jane screaming and crying for more than half of our allotted time. I regularly prayed for wisdom. Jane’s improvement moved at a snail’s pace – with sound effects sufficient to alarm all who were within hearing distance.
At wits end, one day, inspiration struck. I guessed, aloud, that given all she had gone through, and all of the confusion she must have been feeling, that perhaps she simply needed to cry.
I reminded Jane that therapy sessions lasted for one hour – and that hour belonged to her. She could spend it crying, if that’s what she needed most, or we could work on her goals. It was her choice.
Using non-verbal responses, Jane agreed she needed to cry – but maybe not for so much time. She wanted to work. We sealed our agreement with a ritual. Jane visited every office, meeting each person working in the area, and we explained our plan (She didn’t want to scare them).
It was ‘official’ – we scheduled crying time – for the first 10–15 minutes of each session.
Results:
From that point on – Jane was increasingly able to control her emotional storms, learning to limit them to her scheduled ‘crying time’, or even less.
I was blessed to see this lady move from hopeless, helpless, isolation and pain – to someone who was not constantly ‘out of control’. Cognition and memory slowly improved, and she was able to communicate in short phrases, with halting and labored, but understandable, speech. We discovered and enjoyed her ‘wicked’ sense of humor. She was a gift to me.
Jane earned an eventual transfer from our locked psychiatric facility – to a skilled nursing placement, much closer to family and friends – where she enjoys regular visits.
The Point:
God willing, your situation is not as drastic as Jane’s. One take-away point of her story is that control may be enhanced – by planning to indulge emotions that feel ‘out of control’.
So, If you can’t stop yourself from worrying, or fearing a melt-down – you may be able to reduce the impact by making an appointment for it. Reserve 10 -20 minutes for this purpose. If you feel anxious at other times – remind yourself that you already have an appointment. Assure yourself that you can deal with it later; and then get back to doing other things.
To get the most out of this time – start it with prayer ( you know your most urgent concerns, and specifically what to ask). Then review, and plan to apply, the other coping strategies you’ve learned.
Limit your exposure:
Avoid the saturation effects of negative TV News, headlines, and other media (including sensational, and often grim, Facebook rants). Find something good to feed your mind. Better yet, find something positive you can engage both mind and body in doing.
Look for the ‘good stuff’:
Remember what you have learned about expectations. We find what we seek. In spite of threats to our health (from resurrected TB outbreaks, to Zika, and other new diseases) the fact is, in America, we are living longer and enjoying better health than our grandparents did. What other GOOD news could we find if we search for it?
What to do for the blues?
- Say No to Social Pressures.
- Be A Volunteer. Blessing others will bless you too. You could:
- Serve at a community dinner event.
- Organize, or help with a fund raiser.
- Visit a children’s hospital, Help distribute gifts to the needy – or help your neighbor. Check your Church or Community resources for volunteer opportunities.
As an old song says: “Make someone happy – and you will be happier too.”
- Appreciate Nature. A walk in the park can help you relax when feeling overwhelmed – and you can try out one of the ‘Natural Metaphors’ we reviewed last week. If it’s too cold for the park – how about an arboretum or your local nursery displays? Is there an outdoor holiday ice skating rink? If so, have some fun, get some exercise, or just enjoy the spectacle.
- Take Care of yourself: Eat healthy foods, get regular sleep, and choose to move. Doing 30 min. of aerobic exercise may work as well as some antidepressant medication.
Whether you’re grieving, suffering a serious episode of depression, or simply feeling the ‘blahs’ – you can learn to cope with blues.
- Call someone. Reach out to family, friends, your pastor, or dial 911.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
- Go to a hospital emergency room.
POINTS TO PONDER
Before Erma Bombeck died in 1996, she was quoted as saying:
‘When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
That’s a hope I can share. How about you?
Although they compete for our attention, and can threaten peace of mind, let’s not allow Global, National or Personal worries to sidetrack us from the positive business of living, or to rob us of our joy. Let’s share love; encourage each other, and be glad – together.
We do need to pray about our personal concerns, for the nation, and for our world.
“If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and
seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven,
and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14
And, hold on to another truth about the election (regardless of which party wins) …
‘Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.’ Romans 13:1
So, whether or not we are happy with the outcome, or understand His plan for our futures – we can take comfort in knowing that our God does have a plan.
He loves us, and He promised that all would be for good (if not here – then in the hereafter). We can rejoice in that truth – no matter what. Remember that our God can make beauty from ashes
One more assurance:
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39
Final thought:
I may have already shared this important fact with you – but just in case I did not …
There are 366 verses in scripture that remind us to not be afraid. That’s enough for one-a-day, with a spare for leap year too!
Till next time – Blessings, Love and Laughter to you,
Marge
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