Awareness of one’s thinking; mindfulness of one’s engagement in the physical ‘here-and-now’; and the ability to step back from experience enough to take an observers point of view. This skill can be developed.
A good friend suggested that I actually share it’s application in my own experience during a very difficult week. This, Dear Reader is my attempt:
Since hearing disappointing medical news this week – I have watched a loved one cycle through periods of anxiety, and the first stages of grief (shock/denial, anger, depression) several times.
No one died – but potentially permanent loss, of something we had hoped to recover, has been declared. He is feeling unbalanced – there is (as yet) no bargaining to be done. Acceptance and a hopeful long-term perspective is hard to come by, right now. It’s hard for me too.
It hurts to watch those we love suffer pain and loss – when we have to accept that we can’t ‘fix it’. We can only go through the difficulty arm-in-arm – offering love and assurance that they are not alone on this roller-coaster of experience. The labored climbs, sudden drops, and rushing, sharply inverted, turns of events can feel like psychological whiplash.
All is not lost. By the Grace of God – there are also instants of gratitude, hope, joy, love, and peace – even in the midst of the fear and sadness. Do those positives take away the disappointment and pain, or undo the damage that has been done? No. But they do keep the balance from spinning out of control – and they keep hope alive – which offers strength to endure.
I can remind myself of the positives, and question my own discouragement – as King David did … where he also modeled a different strategy – positive Self-Talk:
“ Why are you in despair, oh my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” Psalms 42:5
I have shared this wild ride with my family member, and as we have been slightly sickened and exhausted by it all, we have also been blessed to share lots of love, and moments of laughter. God is awesome – and He is faithful to keep His promises:
The first fundamental strategy is Awareness.
I have simply tried to observe and describe the emotional experience – as you can see. This required that I just keep breathing – and acknowledge feelings that are not neatly categorized. They are in a confused jumble – wrecking my ability to focus on building the pages that were scheduled for posting this week.
Benefits have I gained from this exercise include greater clarity and perspective.
Because I can better understand the toll that this experience has taken, I can be less prone to be too demanding of myself, or those around me. I know that my balance is not yet rock-steady. I may not be able to meet standards I feel responsible for – and that may be OK.
I can ask for help. I can rest – rather than to push on – thus adding guilt to the jumble, if I miss some mark I have set for myself.
I can also give the benefit of the doubt to myself and others for minor irritations – even highway traffic, because I know that I may be more sensitive than need be, right now.
Acknowledging the need, I seek relief in the form of prayer, positive activity, routine duties, or in taking long naps – and perhaps from ‘stealing’ a couple of hours for reading.
I believe that prayer is a conversation between two people who love each other. God loves us. I wanted to clarify what I felt, and what I needed – so that I could more clearly share my thoughts and requests in prayer. This task helped me do so.
It was not until I took the time to become fully aware of my emotional experience, that I could just breathe – and be, without worrying about what I should be doing, feeling, or thinking.
Until we can learn to just be, it is not likely we can know what we want to become – in the moment.
Awareness brings opportunity for acceptance – and for change (these are not mutually exclusive conditions).
If you are in the grip of a situation fraught with emotion – may I encourage you to breath, and to allow yourself to become aware of what you’re really feeling.
It may help to write a letter to yourself, describing what you’re going through – or find some other creative way that allows you to step back – to gain perspective.
Be kind to yourself. As you gain clarity on your needs, ask for help – and enjoy a conversation with the One who loves you beyond your wildest dreams.
Blessings, Love and Laughter to you,
Marge
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